Lampone WORLD Order

Taaa reeeeet yo'selves !

The McLovin Fund. Please give.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The poster for the new Indy movie as drawn by Lucas' one stop artist shop Drew Struzan.

Movie's out later in May after the bottleneck of H'wood Tent pole releases such as Speed Racer, Iron Man, Prince Caspian and probably two others I forgot about. This movie's making feel like a 12 year old again.

May 22nd here I come!

Farewell Omega Man...

RIP Charlton Heston.

As a Catholic kid growing up it was hard not to pass Easter without watching DeMille's TEN COMMANDMENTS with the family on ABC from 6:30 pm to 12:30am.

I'd usually fall asleep right after the Red Sea sequence when Yul Brenner get his pagan ass handed to him by Moses and Disney's EFX crew at the time. Furthermore when I went to Universal Studios and saw their version of it on the tour, I remember thinking how crummy it looked in real life, and that the tour was full of shit.

The other drama of the week was if Franco Zefferelli's JESUS of NAZARETH was being shown as a mini series on NBC and the Climatic final 7th episode was on Sunday night, when Moses was kicking Egyptian butt on NBC. So there'd be the switching back and forth or generally Jesus won since Ten C. was shown every year. That bummed me out because Moses's movie had better special effects and a better ending - Egypt and Idol worshippers got thrown unmercifully into the SMACKDOWN hotel. Jesus got beaten to pulp, nailed and died. Ugh. Oh yeah he delivered us from evil.

Back to Heston though. Also as kid I saw that futuristic monkey movie he did on the 4:30 movie after school when each week would have a theme, so I watched all the Planet of the Apes series in a week not doing my homework, and growing up in NYC the ending always made me look at the Statue of Liberty way differently.

I also loved BEN HUR, but the OMEGA MAN always had a soft spot in my heart because watching that as a kid living in the city and seeing him battle wacky druid types every night creeped me out because that could happen if I got off on the wrong exit on the Subway system.....

Having seen the Remake or updated Version in I AM LEGEND, I will say that Will Smith channelled some of the desperation that Heston had in the '70's version and shot it into the stratosphere because he was dynamite; my only real complaint is that those Zombies looked really crappy. They should've just used real people.

Yo Chuck,

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!

PLEASE STAND BY

Here's SPEED RACER until classes and lab time slow down a bit,,,,Cheers suckas!

BACK FOR THE ATTACK!

HOORAY!!!!

The Retro Metal Future

Meet my new favorite band: BLACK TIDE. A bunch of Teenagers who play 1980's power metal like there's no tomorrow.
The sons of Randi Rhodes, Yngwie Malmsteen and early Metallica live on in these teen wunderkinds who know when to stage a power guitar solo and shrieking vocals that came from the gates of Valhalla.

None of that shitty Incubus / K-ROQ Nu Metal either. It's 1982 all over again. This time I might just grow a f*ckin mullet.

Animation with BALLS

I watched HEAVY METAL again recently...and yeah I still dig it. For all it's flaws and immaturity. It's what made me really want at one point in my career to be an animator in the vein of Ralph Bakshi, and any other animation that was willing to go against the grain and give Disney's singing animal schlock the finger.

Blame my mom for this one as she took me to see the Bakshi version of "Lord of the Rings" back in 1978(?) and after watching an animated bloodbath like that, The Rescuers weren't going to cut the mustard.

Furthermore I had started collecting comics at the time and Frank Miller's DAREDEVIL struck a nerve with me. It's violent, frenetic pulpy atmosphere took place in my hometown of NYC, and it's underworld overtones of good, and evil seemed to be torn straight from the headlines of the New York Post. Daredevil didn't fight Super villains, he fought Serial Killers, Organized Crime, The Yakuza, and assorted wackos, and street undesireables, So it felt real since it wasn't so far from the truth (NYC was pretty scary and dangerous in the late 70's and early 80's).


So when HEAVY METAL opened in 1982 I tried like hell to either one of my parents to take me to see this. But it was no go. Ironic since they took me to every other type of wacky flick since I was a kid. So I had to wait for a bootleg VHS tape to fall into my lap in 1987, and I watched that movie all the time.

Yeah sure, it's dated, the animation's not up to snuff by today's standards, but it still makes me feel like a 15 year old dork, which kicks ass.

Vice President CHUCK NORRIS?

So Super Tuesday's over. For whatever reason the although I'm an Independent the Imperial Republican Regime currently in power moved me over to their side so I had to vote for one of those dudes.

Senator John McCain - I have a tremendous respect for this guy: 5 years in a POW hell hole in "Nam who STAYED behind with his me even though the 'Cong were going to let him go (that's the way I heard it at least) a respected Senator with a son in Iraq (how many other politicians can say that) but unfortunately even though he's a moderate Republican, his age was a factor in my vote.

4 -8 years ago if I had a gun to my head to vote Republican (mind you that Lincoln and TR Roosevelt were great GOP Leaders of a different era ) I guess I'd vote for Johnny.

Mitt Romney - This guy's a Canadian movie's version of what the American President should look like. So I passed... and he looks like Guy Smiley the Muppet.

So, I had to cast my vote with a Governor from Arkansas who doesn't believe in Creationism continuing the war in Iraq, Gay rights, abortion, and other issues I don't support.

BUT he could possibly make CHUCK NORRIS The Vice President of the United States? OH HELL YEAH!!!!! That I'm on board with.

Chuck Norris would find Bin Landen in a matter of hours, build up the Border fence and his breath would put the ozone layer back to normal....because CHUCK NORRIS IS GOD!

BONUS!

G.W. and U2 LIVE!

GIANT UPSET!!!

GIANTS WIN THE SUPERBOWL!!! I'm not going to pretend that I'm a die hard football fan as I only really watch the playoffs and the Super Bowl, but congratulations to my hometown team in probably the biggest upset in Super Bowl defeating The New England Juggernaut, The Patriots.

Not since Broadway Joe Namath predicted victory over The Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl III back in 1969, and on a sidebar The NY Mets went from worst to first and won The World Series the same year, has a David and Goliath sports battle been this great.

Congrats guys I wish I could hang out in NYC's ticker tape parade on Tuesday....





As if that weren't cool enough The Mets just signed the best pitcher on the market, Johan Santana, a 29 left handed wunderkind Cy Young winning pitcher, in a trade from the Minnesota Twins, for a cool $137 million for 6 years. So now is the time to win the big one.




So The Yankees can kiss my ass.


I saw RAMBO the other night. Best action movie in a long time. Cartoon Action over the top violence, (It makes Saving Private Ryan look like a GI Joe Cartoon) good guys, really bad guys, and shitload of badass action.

No satellite micro managed action men with shades of gray and "problems"; ie Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer, Neo, and all the other crappy action hero wannabes this past decade. Rambo sees, shoots, and makes the bad men pay.

Say what you will about Stallone's other pictures lately, but when it comes to his two beloved iconic characters he's made two really wise moves in dusting them off for one more ride, and true closure for their respective stories. As was the case with ROCKY BALBOA, RAMBO delivers the goods.... and the GORE! yeah!

CLOVERVOMIT

I never walked out of a movie before, until now. Correction, I ran out of theater that was showing a free screening of "Who's Harry Crumb" at a FREE preview screening at The Beekman Theater on 66th and 2nd Avenue when I was living in NYC back in the late '80's..... Until now.

I saw CLOVERFIELD opening night and left about 3/4 into it because I got vertigo. The movie's gimmick a la "Blair Witch Project" is that it's a hand held first person perspective; so there's a swish pan, or shaky run every 2 seconds; So the flick made me sick, and the part where I decided to leave was when they needed to climb 39 floors to rescue this dude's girlfriend.

I knew I wasn't going to make it.... and I felt like a big pussy leaving. But as soon as I exited the theater there were 4 other people there, 2 of which were teenagers who sat in the front row. (ugh)

We exchanged horror stories and within minutes of talking one of them turned green, which passed itself over to me as well, and we both dashed over to the nearest mens room where I got to see how my dinner sandwich looked half digested.

When I finished I could still hear the kid in the stall yakking up his guts...."Bleeechhhhhh...." SPLASH...."ueeeuughhhrarrah...." SPLASH... (repeat)

Unfortunately the movie's not half bad, in regards to a simple B-Movie plot. I just can't watch it that big.

So JJ Abrams you now owe me $8.00 for "Armageddon" and now $12.00 for "Cloverfield"...and LOST is waaay overrated.

Gimme "LAND OF THE LOST" any day of the week.

The Good, The Bad and The Poppy

Happy X-mas, Kwanzaa, New Year everyone!

I got a chance to see Tim Burton's apology for Planet of the Apes- SWEENEY TODD and I must proudly admit I brought my 13 year old niece to see this sing along blood bath and she F*&kin' loved it! Kudos to Timmy B for not pussin' out and spraying the karo syrup all over the barber shop a la Gwar. Music's good too.

I guess all those wacky Goth kids finally have a musical they can all gleefully mope too. (Be sure to put out your black candles and open the shades when the show's over)

Besides SUPERBAD, this was one film that I knew was worth the wait.

Also if you've tried to log on to YOUTUBE to watch any of my videos....well, sorry folks, that's all she wrote. My account has been SUSPENDED. Hee hee hee. I guess I flew too close to the fire with copyrighted material.

Now, if you're wondering why I'm not pissed, well I 'd rather get lifelong detention than sent to jail and have Ahmed's porksword stuck up my brown for screwing around with mashups.

C'est la vie.

So we started this week Sweeney Todd and also found ourselves (Shelley, Me and Taylor) in the 40th Anniversary Edition Supplemental DVD disk of THE SOUND OF MUSIC. It's during the Sing Along Documentary at the H'wood Bowl in 2005. We're in it verry,verry briefly during the costume montage sped up sequence. Cool though. That's 2 DVD's I've squirmed my way into.

I also watched JUNO which was good as well but as was the case with little indie flicks this time of year isn't as great as all the hype makes it out to be. Michael Cera is superb as slways.

Big suprise for me was how much I dug Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymoore in MUSIC AND LYRICS. HG's the other guy in a "Wham!" type of Eighties band who gets another shot at the limelight from a Britney Spears type who's a big fan of his past music. If the opening video that starts off the movie doesn't grab your '80's inner child then you're probably an older dude or dudette.



Sure it's H'wood formula, but it's the kind that worked for me. Plus unlike those bombastic epic Hollywood movie romances where someone ends up dead at the end of the movie, and you've wondered why the fuck you've wasted 21/2 hours of your life being watching this shit when they all end up miserable at the 3hr mark (ROMEO & JULIET Baz, Zefferelli, TITANIC
ATONMENT, LOVE STORY, BROKEBACKMOUNTAIN,) this movie has a happy ending, that's not too schmaltzy.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION #1 - No more miserable movie dramas with stupid depressing endings that ride the cineste's pretentious bandwagon that get a shitload of awards at the end of the year. Plus the people that like to wax intellectual about those movies never saw Roadhouse.

Life's too short to waste my muthaf'n time with fictional whiny adults that I paid money to watch go through "real" problems.
Unless Tenacious D's doing the score.

So whatever George Clooney's next politico adult drama ("Michael Clayton" anyone?) I'll sit out and watch BLADES OF GLORY for the upteenth time.

Speaking of pretentious shit, if anyone can tell me why Disney spent 3 billion dollars on Pirates III please let me know. Between the budgets of Pirates II and III and Matrix 2 and 3 we could've cured cancer already.

So on a happy note here's my favorite band of the moment- TENACIOUS D!

The Fast and the Furious 2008

So I've been busy with school, life, holiday madness etc...etc...so I haven't had a chance to blog until now.

Since my last post on Nov.19th-

Evel Knievel passed away, from cancer ironically, and not from crazed jump over the Grand Canyon.



Via Con dios Evel....I never will get to see jump over that shark tank.

That Sumbitch Ike Turner bit the big one too (see the NY Post article below....classic)



I watched Michael Moore's "SICKO" and really want to move to France (the day I live in Paris will be the GREATEST day in my life). This was by far the scariest movie of the year, and I applaud him for sticking it to the man in D.C. by showing what a sham our health care system is in this country.

The best part was the American 9/11 rescue workers being denied access to American doctors in Guantanamo Bay while 20 prisoners tied to the bombings were given the best health care you could imagine. Then having Cuban doctors heal basically for free, while they're all either denied health care here, or were charged outrageous amounts, made me sick to my stomach.



Propaganda? Sure. But when we have a system where hospitals won't treat you because you're not insured there, or that the administrators make more money by denying claims is nuts. I'm all for socialist system if it can help.


Bought SUPERBAD; and yes it's still the greatest American film of all time. Speaking of which I saw BLADE RUNNER's new, new, new, new, version out on the shelves. You still can't add polish to shit and make it look better.
Saw it as a kid didn't like it. Saw it later found it ponderous and slow, although I did kinda like the atmosphere. Saw all the director/ definitive cuts, and quite frankly other than the visuals I really couldn't give a shit if Deckard is a fucking robot or not.
I say put in footage from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket and act as if Deckard and that robot bitch ended up dead in 'Nam. PS Vangellis can kiss my ass. I liked the movie later when it was called BLACK RAIN.

Got my daughter into watching SCHOOL OF ROCK with Jack Black. Thank god, as the repeated viewings of Barbie movies where starting to wear thin. Now if she can only watch Scarface.....


The Mitchell report on MLB came out last week. No surprise here that a assload of ballplayers got themselves in trouble with wacky substances. My take: they make enough money and players to start a Steroid league. Call it the SMLB push the fences to 500 ft (center field is on average 400ft) add ANOTHER base. Move the pitcher mound another 5 feet away from home plate. Juice all the players, and give them alluminum bats. You know that the 'roid rages would give to a fight EVERY game.

The Eagles came out with a new album and Led Zeppelin got back together again. Now if only .38 Special would get off their asses and do something new.


As for me I'm back to my old self of yesteryear causing chaos in school with wacky edits of the material provided; in this case it was some cheesy movie called "Benedict Arnold". Most everyone edits the movie in sequence, but I thought I give it my usual spin:

As a Stephen J Cannell '80's esque sitcom



As the New Michael Mann' Miami Vice teaser:




As for the Indy 4 poster above, I'm happy he's back. I can't wait for this movie. Sure the script will be cheesy (maybe Frank Darabount's script was too depressing. You can only watch the Shawshank Redemption so many times and not want to kill yourself. Ditto for the Green Mile.) He looks older, but still it's the role he's known for.



The movie that's gonna kick everyone's ass is THE DARK KNIGHT. Heath Ledger's Joker's gonna make Jack's look like your drunk uncle on labor day telling crass jokes.



This fucker's a real psycho.


Here's the preview:



But in January 2008 goes off with bang from RAMBO IV!

THANKSGIVING....

Tyra Banks is insane.

To answer Lori's question regarding Maury Povich and his wacky ass topics, here's a sampling of Tyra Bank's off the wall attempt to demystify the female sex organ using a "Pussy Puppet". (hee hee hee)

If Stan from South Park's watching he might learn a few things.




No wonder the American Dollar's taken a nosedive in recent months.

Viola....The PIckle Girl!

God bless Maury Povich's investigative journalism. God Bless freedom of the press.

There ain't no Thelma here...

Happy Halloween everybody!

KOBAYASHI- BANZAI!

The world's greatest hot dog eating champion...Kobayashi gets his own cartoon. (I'm not gonna call it Anime or F'ing manga...and their still comic books not graphic novels)

BANZAI!

The REAL TRANSFORMERS Movie !

Red Five Standing by...sort of...

..after killing Porkins, Darth Vader (aka Joe Lampone III) waits for his happy meal.