So I'm not one for the Stripper set...It's not that I don't like lookin' at nekked ladies, it's just I need them, the lighting, the music and their dance set to be absoultely top notch, and they have to have that Playboy quality. For whatever reason if none of that criteria are met, I'm on to other things. Plus if I ask an exotic dancer if they're either Classically trained or more into the Fosse Jazz method and they don't have an answer, goodbye to Mr. Washington in your underpants.
Also I guess I'm old fashioned, I never thought I'd get into the feathery 1920's dance routine, and a chick popping out of a cake, but I'm into the show...Plus I get worried for their safety dancing around in those high heels. That can't be ergonomically positive for the lumbar region of the back.
What brought this up? 2 things - J.Warnesky's Bachelor party where I tried new jokes and material on a bunch of dumbfounded dancers in Las Vegas, the best calling a stripper "Mom" and throwing her lap dance solictiation out the window.
Furthermore when it was "my turn" with Jay's Dancer all I requested was that she just sit on my lap (she was a nekked blonde, but I like redheads) while I watch cartoon network for 2 mins. I also was eating a Hostess Cherry pie as well at the time. But her handler thought this was creepy/strange (well it's not the norm) , and nixed the idea.
Weird, huh? I figure I'm paying $40 for a cheesy lap dance (that's 4boxes of baby formula) on this ditzy chick and I can't get my request? I guess it was because VOLTRON was on. But if I asked her to stick a rubber dick up her ass and sing Pussycat Dolls shit, that she could do.
It also goes back to when I got a lap dance at my bachelor party and the girl who grinded me did so without realizing that I forgot to remove my keys from my front pocket. So it was a tad painful for me, but it worked itself out as I laughed my ass off when she took the stage a few moments later and had a big red welt on her ass, courtesy of the locks at my apartment.
The second is this commercial I found from You Tube for this Strip Club in Van Nuys. I guess if I was a porn director this would be the kind of crap I'd direct....SMOKIN" HOT CHICKS.....bwhahahahahahahahha!
6 comments:
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-k
'What am I supposed to do with THESE???'
Oh my god.
Props to you, man...only you could write such an interesting, well-thought-out, thinking man's essay on strippers.
I suppose if the ad was for a place in Long Beach it'd be:
"Smokin' hot chicks... with DICKS!"
Very good essay, too. I would say it even ranks up there with Playboy's "20 Questions with William Shatner". My favorite from that; Q: Do you ever wish you were a woman? A: No. I'd miss the sound of my balls clanging together.
Har har har!
That's classic...Shatner's da man....
Didn't watch the video - but your lengthy diatribe had me laughing!
First time blogger- but I had to do it! first of all, it is silly and unrealistic to expect an ordinary stripper to know jazz and be more than halfway decently cultured! but oh how I laughed at the key bit! That is why one must always ease onto the lap, and not run at the crotch area like the bulls in Spain. :)
Surely I would raise eyebrows at the Valley Ball amongst the gals if I admitted to the conversation being less than stimulating. But then, this could be said of a dozen different boob places all around the city. Thank you for the laughs, that commercial is pretty funny in itself. But then, I guess they were aiming at being over the top. And with all this being said, now you may launch upon me a barrage of insults and mockery- I have worked there before. Hey hey, but I'm a grease monkey, and I love literature, I nurture my spirit and challenge my mind. So going back to the beginning, I am a narcisist and do believe I am not your ordinary flexible lady. Onward now! Let the blogging begin! ;)
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