The Good, The Bad and The Poppy

Happy X-mas, Kwanzaa, New Year everyone!

I got a chance to see Tim Burton's apology for Planet of the Apes- SWEENEY TODD and I must proudly admit I brought my 13 year old niece to see this sing along blood bath and she F*&kin' loved it! Kudos to Timmy B for not pussin' out and spraying the karo syrup all over the barber shop a la Gwar. Music's good too.

I guess all those wacky Goth kids finally have a musical they can all gleefully mope too. (Be sure to put out your black candles and open the shades when the show's over)

Besides SUPERBAD, this was one film that I knew was worth the wait.

Also if you've tried to log on to YOUTUBE to watch any of my videos....well, sorry folks, that's all she wrote. My account has been SUSPENDED. Hee hee hee. I guess I flew too close to the fire with copyrighted material.

Now, if you're wondering why I'm not pissed, well I 'd rather get lifelong detention than sent to jail and have Ahmed's porksword stuck up my brown for screwing around with mashups.

C'est la vie.

So we started this week Sweeney Todd and also found ourselves (Shelley, Me and Taylor) in the 40th Anniversary Edition Supplemental DVD disk of THE SOUND OF MUSIC. It's during the Sing Along Documentary at the H'wood Bowl in 2005. We're in it verry,verry briefly during the costume montage sped up sequence. Cool though. That's 2 DVD's I've squirmed my way into.

I also watched JUNO which was good as well but as was the case with little indie flicks this time of year isn't as great as all the hype makes it out to be. Michael Cera is superb as slways.

Big suprise for me was how much I dug Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymoore in MUSIC AND LYRICS. HG's the other guy in a "Wham!" type of Eighties band who gets another shot at the limelight from a Britney Spears type who's a big fan of his past music. If the opening video that starts off the movie doesn't grab your '80's inner child then you're probably an older dude or dudette.



Sure it's H'wood formula, but it's the kind that worked for me. Plus unlike those bombastic epic Hollywood movie romances where someone ends up dead at the end of the movie, and you've wondered why the fuck you've wasted 21/2 hours of your life being watching this shit when they all end up miserable at the 3hr mark (ROMEO & JULIET Baz, Zefferelli, TITANIC
ATONMENT, LOVE STORY, BROKEBACKMOUNTAIN,) this movie has a happy ending, that's not too schmaltzy.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION #1 - No more miserable movie dramas with stupid depressing endings that ride the cineste's pretentious bandwagon that get a shitload of awards at the end of the year. Plus the people that like to wax intellectual about those movies never saw Roadhouse.

Life's too short to waste my muthaf'n time with fictional whiny adults that I paid money to watch go through "real" problems.
Unless Tenacious D's doing the score.

So whatever George Clooney's next politico adult drama ("Michael Clayton" anyone?) I'll sit out and watch BLADES OF GLORY for the upteenth time.

Speaking of pretentious shit, if anyone can tell me why Disney spent 3 billion dollars on Pirates III please let me know. Between the budgets of Pirates II and III and Matrix 2 and 3 we could've cured cancer already.

So on a happy note here's my favorite band of the moment- TENACIOUS D!

The Fast and the Furious 2008

So I've been busy with school, life, holiday madness etc...etc...so I haven't had a chance to blog until now.

Since my last post on Nov.19th-

Evel Knievel passed away, from cancer ironically, and not from crazed jump over the Grand Canyon.



Via Con dios Evel....I never will get to see jump over that shark tank.

That Sumbitch Ike Turner bit the big one too (see the NY Post article below....classic)



I watched Michael Moore's "SICKO" and really want to move to France (the day I live in Paris will be the GREATEST day in my life). This was by far the scariest movie of the year, and I applaud him for sticking it to the man in D.C. by showing what a sham our health care system is in this country.

The best part was the American 9/11 rescue workers being denied access to American doctors in Guantanamo Bay while 20 prisoners tied to the bombings were given the best health care you could imagine. Then having Cuban doctors heal basically for free, while they're all either denied health care here, or were charged outrageous amounts, made me sick to my stomach.



Propaganda? Sure. But when we have a system where hospitals won't treat you because you're not insured there, or that the administrators make more money by denying claims is nuts. I'm all for socialist system if it can help.


Bought SUPERBAD; and yes it's still the greatest American film of all time. Speaking of which I saw BLADE RUNNER's new, new, new, new, version out on the shelves. You still can't add polish to shit and make it look better.
Saw it as a kid didn't like it. Saw it later found it ponderous and slow, although I did kinda like the atmosphere. Saw all the director/ definitive cuts, and quite frankly other than the visuals I really couldn't give a shit if Deckard is a fucking robot or not.
I say put in footage from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket and act as if Deckard and that robot bitch ended up dead in 'Nam. PS Vangellis can kiss my ass. I liked the movie later when it was called BLACK RAIN.

Got my daughter into watching SCHOOL OF ROCK with Jack Black. Thank god, as the repeated viewings of Barbie movies where starting to wear thin. Now if she can only watch Scarface.....


The Mitchell report on MLB came out last week. No surprise here that a assload of ballplayers got themselves in trouble with wacky substances. My take: they make enough money and players to start a Steroid league. Call it the SMLB push the fences to 500 ft (center field is on average 400ft) add ANOTHER base. Move the pitcher mound another 5 feet away from home plate. Juice all the players, and give them alluminum bats. You know that the 'roid rages would give to a fight EVERY game.

The Eagles came out with a new album and Led Zeppelin got back together again. Now if only .38 Special would get off their asses and do something new.


As for me I'm back to my old self of yesteryear causing chaos in school with wacky edits of the material provided; in this case it was some cheesy movie called "Benedict Arnold". Most everyone edits the movie in sequence, but I thought I give it my usual spin:

As a Stephen J Cannell '80's esque sitcom



As the New Michael Mann' Miami Vice teaser:




As for the Indy 4 poster above, I'm happy he's back. I can't wait for this movie. Sure the script will be cheesy (maybe Frank Darabount's script was too depressing. You can only watch the Shawshank Redemption so many times and not want to kill yourself. Ditto for the Green Mile.) He looks older, but still it's the role he's known for.



The movie that's gonna kick everyone's ass is THE DARK KNIGHT. Heath Ledger's Joker's gonna make Jack's look like your drunk uncle on labor day telling crass jokes.



This fucker's a real psycho.


Here's the preview:



But in January 2008 goes off with bang from RAMBO IV!

THANKSGIVING....

Tyra Banks is insane.

To answer Lori's question regarding Maury Povich and his wacky ass topics, here's a sampling of Tyra Bank's off the wall attempt to demystify the female sex organ using a "Pussy Puppet". (hee hee hee)

If Stan from South Park's watching he might learn a few things.




No wonder the American Dollar's taken a nosedive in recent months.

Viola....The PIckle Girl!

God bless Maury Povich's investigative journalism. God Bless freedom of the press.

There ain't no Thelma here...

Happy Halloween everybody!

KOBAYASHI- BANZAI!

The world's greatest hot dog eating champion...Kobayashi gets his own cartoon. (I'm not gonna call it Anime or F'ing manga...and their still comic books not graphic novels)

BANZAI!

The REAL TRANSFORMERS Movie !

Red Five Standing by...sort of...

..after killing Porkins, Darth Vader (aka Joe Lampone III) waits for his happy meal.

C-Span Lunacy

Go PHILLIES! (since The Mets F*@ked up)

So THE METS sucked their way to the bottom and missed the playoffs. They were 7 games up on Philadelphia, with a week to blow and got their asses kicked by crappy teams in the division. I'm a die hard fan, and sure it'd be great to see them get into the playoffs...

...and get killed in the first round probably by Philadelphia. That'd suck even more. They've had The Mets number all year, so I'm spared that post season humiliation; and we have all winter to shovel lots of $$ to buy quality pitching like we should've done THIS YEAR.

But life moves on, and I have my back up teams THE PHILLIES and THE ANGELS.

Long story short I dig The Phillies. Weird thing is the first baseball mitt I had was a Mike Schmidt "autographed" one. I also remember Tug McGraw jumping up and down when they won back in 1980 in 6 games over the KC Royals, with George Brett.
That was a cool team and their centerfielder was a dude named Gary Maddox. I always thought that was a badass name. Plus, he was a super black athlete like that Verb song.



1993- I graduate college in Philly. All season long I can't believe they're winning. All season long I can believe that The Mets are crappy.

Philly gets to the World Series against The Toronto Blue Jays behind Curt Shilling's pitching.

It's the beer drinkin' outta shape softball lookin' mountain men from Philly against....The clean cut made to win, previous World Series winners from Toronto.

Wow. I remember the characters the Phillies had, Pick your nose on live TV and chew tobacco ex-Met Lenny Dykstra, Fat ass "I'm not an athlete ma'am I'm a ballplayer" John Kruk, Jim "tourettes" Eisenrich, Pete "South Philly" Incavavillia, "Dutch" Darren Dalton and Mitch "Wild Thing oh shit he blew the game" Williams.

Toronto had Future Hall of Famer: Paul Molitor. FHF - Dave Winfield. FHF- Joe Clark. Perfect hitter - John Olerud....blah, blah, blah.




So they lose in SPECTACULAR fashion to Toronto in Six (Joe Clark's walkoff homerun to win / end the series of Mitch Williams slider) and then that's it for 12 years.

Until Ryan Howard MVP year of 2006 of 58 HR's and this year 45 HR's. Another MVP type season. Plus he's not juiced and seems like a humble likable guy.



So here's hoping for an Angels vs. Phillies World Series (that way I can get tickets or watch with Phillies fans at South Street Cheese Steaks down the street.

First pitch's on Weds on TBS against The Dark Horse Colorado Rockies.



Someone tell The Mets front office to get some fucking pitching next year.

DESTRO featuring The Baroness- "Get Money" MUSIC VIDEO

Presenting my video brother in arms -Dr Smoov!

Happy Monday everyone!

Darth Vader Feels blue...

..and The f@%kin' Phillies are making me nervous....

The Mets are playing like crap and a 7 1/2 game lead over The Stupid Phillies has evaporated into (as of this typing) 1/12 games. So yeah, it's the Mets division to lose and the Phillies to win.

I can't blame the Phils to much as they've decided to come alive when it matters and kick ass...the last time they got into the post season was 1993 and The Mets were dog shit back then. So hopefully the Mets can pull this off and win the division with a week to go and Philly can get the wild card for all I care.



Best of luck to Los Donovans up in North Dakota....Real tough break, but you'll pull through.

Bought "Superman Doomsday" the DVD the other day. Not bad...Anne Heche still throws me off as Lois Lane. Speaking of which, as a character she's real annoying....Supes could do better than that and if I was Clark and had to listen to her condescending BS all day, I'd drop kick her ass to Gotham.

I'm diggin my classes at Video Symphony. Feelin like myself again, after that boring ass job at Twentieth (which I did of my own volition) Classmates are cool, I have a newer crew to roll with there, and the creativity's back as well. Thankfully my buddies at "24" let me hang with them as well in Post to get me back into the Production groove.

I'm flying on the Avid and Final Cut's around the corner, but the real fun's gonna be After Effects.

Saw the preview for DC's FINAL FRONTIER and Dave Bullock's directing it (we all graduated together) on the making of it didn't look like him at all, even though we all had dinner together a few months back. Weird. That camera added 15 pounds I guess.

Picked up MAD Magazine for the first time in over 20+ years. It's still funny. Or maybe I'm just retarded.

Message to JOEY ROCCO if you can reeed dis: U R SOFA KING GHAY

More Bands I think suck: Good Charlotte, Kanye West and rest of the 106.5 K-Roq line up. Note to Coldplay: Please get hijacked on a plane and crash into a buliding. You suck. (although I admire your charitable nature)

Actually, on second thought- you guys can live. Switch places with those faggots Marroon 5. (yeah like Isaiah Washington, I said it)

Speaking of lousy music this EMO genre of sensitve music with the alternative spin bullshit to get pussy is crap. All of that shit sucks. I hate Poison but at least that sum bitch Brett Michaels was upfront with his crappy band. Actuall most music nowadays blows.

Here's something that doesn't suck, but "blows" nonetheless... Enjoy!

The End of Summer 2007

GODZILLA HATES CATS....

....I used to like them too, but they give me allergies...plus they seem to like to scratch me til I bleed. The only cats I liked are Garfield, Alice, and Felix (the).



Here's the big guy gettin' busy...

Guy Donovan SINGS!

My buddy General Guy Donovan is now a badass Border Patrol Agent (one of the 7 1/2 people that read this blog) located up in Grand Forks North Dakota crackin' skulls on illegal Samoans crossing the American Border in La Canada...

After being stationed in Yuma, AZ he designed the popular T-Shirt below.




The past has a way of catching up with you...Before the Border Patrol...Before the Hollywood Animation Years...Before the UArts years... It seems when he was in the military back in the early 80's he dropped a bucket of nasty, gray, shitty smelling mop water from a tower on some Puerto Rican dude named Cruz ruining his day, but created a classic anectode for Guy to tell his college buddies some years later.



(ex-Private Cruz Velasquez Photo credit: Keegan images)

I recieved an email from Cruz (now a manager at a local Taco Bell after his bitter divorce from Film Editor Stacy Clipp that left him impotent and destitute) , and he sent the following footage of Donovan on a USO tour of Scandanavia.

Yes, Sgt. Guy was in fact a Disco lovin' hipster, not the Pink Floyd Denim jacket biker dude we all thought he was when we met later on. That was all a cover up.

According to sources he was frequently seen at Roller Disco Rink THE ROXXY in New York hitting on such notables as Jade Jagger, and doing the Hustle with Models like Lauren Hutton. He even auditioned for a bit part in "Can't Stop the Music" the Villiage People's film bomb starring Steve Guttenberg

Quite frankly I don 't think even his wife knows this, but the truth must now be exposed....

EVIDENCE # 1 -

A Group photo of his defunct pop band...GABA...before he was kicked out of the band.



Story goes they were supposed to open for Hall and Oats on their H20-82 Euro Tour (sponsored by Evian) but back stage tensions flaired when Donovan decided he didn't want to sing back up vocals on their hit song "Trans Euro X-press" (# 678 Billboard Charts US) a Kraftwerk cover. John Oats then intervened to get the show rolling, and furthermore demanded that both men shave off their facial hair as that was his trademark. Not willing to sell out, Donovan and Oats got into a fistfight that left both men bloodied and bruised. According to legend, Darryl Hall wept silently in a corner.

The Tour went on and GABA was replaced by Kajagoogoo.


With bearded facial hair seemingly dragging him down artistically, Donovan shaved off the beard and goes for the Burt Reynolds style mustache, his friends Michael McDonald, and Kenny Loggins encouraged him to try his hand at lead vocals.

Produced by Buckner and Garcia (the musicans responsible for the one hit wonder "Pac Man Fever") this cover of a Villiage People song peaked at #4 on the Finnish Musical charts that year, and was on the Korean Rock SCORE at #58 as well.

I want to thank Manager Cruz Velaquez of Taco Bell Burbank district 9a from the bottom of my heart for this outstanding footage and material.

Furthermore also apologize about not paying for my bean burrito at the drive through. I was on the can for several hours the next morning so we're even.

Words cannot describe what you are about to witness....and now the piece de la resistance....

EVIDENCE # 2

Guy Donovan circa 1983(?) singing a most excellent Disco classic!




Video Courtesy of Cruz Velasquez Enterprises Inc. via You TUBE

Werewolves, The Handicapped and Non-PC Tee Shirts

Found this site called T-Shirt Hell, and they have a lot of funny prints.

http://www.tshirthell.com/hell.shtml






This Kermit autopsy one had me in stitches. (no pun intended)




Found this on YOUTUBE - a handicapped wheelchair bound theater group doing Werewolf impressions.
Hey I say go for it if it makes them feel empowered, but watching it makes it no less wacky....Especially the dude with the "Speak and Spell" voice....

Aaaarrrroooooooooooo!




Just when you thought that was weird.....


ONE LEGGED SOCCER!









That's all folks!

FUNNIEST FUCKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME...

I don't think I laughed this hard with a ROCKIN' audience since "There's Something About Mary" 9 years ago.
Is this the funniest movie of all time? Oh hell yeah...I don't mean to over hype this but if you liked "The 40 Year Old Virgin" or even watched an episode of "Freaks and Geeks" you'll get the lowbrow humor mixed with sweetness that is the motif of the Judd Apatow canon of comedy.

It also raises the bar on the teen genre comedy and quite simply blows it to smithereens. "American Pie" looks like amateur filmmaking compared to this - Superbad is on the level of "American Graffitti, "Dazed and Confused" "The Graduate" and some of the early John Hughes teen schmaltz coming of age films in the 1980's.

Plus it's about a bunch of dorks who can't get dates who try to score beer to get laid. Can I relate? Absolutely. Even if you remove the absurd comedy of Superbad, the dialogue is honest, and true. I've had every conversation those dudes had with my buddies growing up in NYC a thousand times. So I was cringing while laughing my ass off.

I also loved it because it introduces Michael Cera of "Arrested Development" (one of my personal favorites) to a new audience and will put him in the stratosphere, and furthermore will find more filmwork for newly discovered wunderkind Christopher Mintz-Plasse who steals the movie as Fogel. Jonah Hill, who plays the young Seth Rogen is fantastic as well.



So fall is upon us which means pretentious Hollywood -adult bullshit about movies that will change the world get the Oscar....blah...blah blah...Serious Filmmaking Season ....."Rendition" anyone? ""Golden Compass"....Fucking "Javier Bardem Films" getting any takers? Eeeyuck. Although AMERICAN GANGSTER looks badass....

But the one film I'm really looking forward to: "BE KIND REWIND"

For Pasztory - and SUPERBAD !!!!

So here's the preview for the next greatest animated flick from the DC Universe- THE NEW FRONTIER. From Darwyn Cooke's
comic book of the same name.

We're a long way from "Heavy Metal" and "Fire and Ice".....





Here's a pix of me and Pasztory back in 2nd grade also noted are Dr.Robbie Bollt and Johnny Boy Zem in the front.
Robbie's the redhead in the MANNHUNTER flicks....



Pasztory's the dude in the Oakland A's hat who gets blown to smithereens...





BONUS !!! BONUS!!!!


The instant CLASSIC - "SUPERBAD" sneak peek-





Thanks to Mean Gene for the hookup!

My kind of X-perimental Flick

Shoulda woulda, coulda.... If I could do it over I'd make this movie in art school and tell the ol' perfessers to stick it....right up their browns!





Go Andy go! I hope Hot Rod kicks ass,,,,,

VOTE for HARVEY DENT & THE LANDLORD

Hopefully BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT will kick ass. It's got 2 villians so I'm not gonna hold my breath as I did with Batman Begins, and in doing so had a great time with that movie.

I also see with lowered expectations INDIANA JONES and the LOST CITY. I figure I'll go in, and hopefully avoid the nasy negatives I'm keenly aware of about this one (Shia LeBoeuf as Jr.,Jr? ugh) and just have a good time. I'll admit that it's cool to see him in the fedora once again. Furthermore, it can't be as bad as the TV show...





Lastly , I found this on FUNNY OR DIE - Will Ferrell's website (thanks to Shelley) where he meets his landlord. Funnier than Ricky Bobby. (ugh)

TRANSFORMERS The Lost Audition

F-Michael Bay. This is the REAL TRANSFORMERS movie:

There is a GOD....

RAMBO RULES!

Some wait for gay robots in disguise. I waited for a PG-13 John McClane. Scratch that- a NC-17 JOHN RAMBO and a body count to rival a night in Fallujah.

My only regret is that he's not killing in Afghanistan killin' some of those Al-Qeda suckholes over there. The ultimate Right Wing poster boy for American might reduced to kickin' the crap outta The "evil" Burmese?

I don't remember the last time I had heard a Burmese Holy Warrior blowin themselves up in Scotland recently...



Here he is looking for Bin Laden in the original opening....

Cobra Kai Lives on...."Sweep The Leg"

Kudos to Davey Boy Ryan who showed me this video yesterday....It's directed by that bad boy of '80's teen flicks himself William Zabka and stars all the Cobra Kai white boy Bruce Lee wanna bees. Watch for Daniel San himself and star of Artie Lange's awesome "Beerleague" Ralph Macchio...

AUSSIE "ROADHOUSE"

I didn't think it was possible. But here you have it.

Look for the dude in the Chicken suit...

No, I'm not kidding.





Quite frankly if this were the type of movies I got work on. I'd be happier than a fat man locked in a Baskin Robbins.

ROLLING ROCK BEER Presents - "Play Balls!"

Rolling Rock beer creates this commercial. It's funny. Too funny (I think). So the watchdog a-hole groups pull it because it's so called "indecent".

But when was the last time anyone remembered a Rolling Rock commercial?

I smell conspiracy between the Miller Brewing Co., Lobbiests at Washington, the Religious Right and Superstation TBS.

WARNING if you're a dude wear a cup before watching.





BONUS VIDEO :

I saw this commercial back in 1991(?) and laughed my ass off.



It's the fake pee that gives it that extra umph.

GOONIES of the CARRIBBEAN

A mashup masterpiece.

Guilty Pleasure #1 - XANADU

I have no explanation for this one. Saw it as kid. Had a boner for Olivia Newton John after Grease.

It's actually a really ridiculous movie with cheesy animation from Don Bluth, an emasculated Michael Beck from "The Warriors", but it was also Gene Kelly's last movie.

The soundtrack always kicked ass...

Are you "SUPERBAD"?

Spidey 3 showed up that was cool. Hot Fuzz even better. Shrek 3 I'll see on DVD. Pirates and Harry Potter are for fags.

My tent pole (huh,huh,huh...huh,huh) release this year, the one I'll be sending an evite for doesn't come out until August.

Just like Snakes On A Plane, the real jems of Summer releases it seems don't come out until later in the season.

Ask yourself one question, are you SUPERBAD?

2 for the Holiday Weekend- ROY RULES! / Meet the KUATOS

Roy is the coolest dude in the world...and no I don't want to bang him.






Kuato finally makes his SNL appearance....



Have a great weekend everyone!

MUST SEE TV!- "My Black Son"

Coming to FOX this fall....





Shine up those Emmy's because this is a winner.....

F-JACKIE!

THE NEW STAR TREK MOVIE

I found a BOOTLEG copy of JJ Abrams (writer of ARMAGEDDON) test footage of his Star Trek redux.

THE VALLEY BALL

So I'm not one for the Stripper set...It's not that I don't like lookin' at nekked ladies, it's just I need them, the lighting, the music and their dance set to be absoultely top notch, and they have to have that Playboy quality. For whatever reason if none of that criteria are met, I'm on to other things. Plus if I ask an exotic dancer if they're either Classically trained or more into the Fosse Jazz method and they don't have an answer, goodbye to Mr. Washington in your underpants.

Also I guess I'm old fashioned, I never thought I'd get into the feathery 1920's dance routine, and a chick popping out of a cake, but I'm into the show...Plus I get worried for their safety dancing around in those high heels. That can't be ergonomically positive for the lumbar region of the back.

What brought this up? 2 things - J.Warnesky's Bachelor party where I tried new jokes and material on a bunch of dumbfounded dancers in Las Vegas, the best calling a stripper "Mom" and throwing her lap dance solictiation out the window.

Furthermore when it was "my turn" with Jay's Dancer all I requested was that she just sit on my lap (she was a nekked blonde, but I like redheads) while I watch cartoon network for 2 mins. I also was eating a Hostess Cherry pie as well at the time. But her handler thought this was creepy/strange (well it's not the norm) , and nixed the idea.

Weird, huh? I figure I'm paying $40 for a cheesy lap dance (that's 4boxes of baby formula) on this ditzy chick and I can't get my request? I guess it was because VOLTRON was on. But if I asked her to stick a rubber dick up her ass and sing Pussycat Dolls shit, that she could do.

It also goes back to when I got a lap dance at my bachelor party and the girl who grinded me did so without realizing that I forgot to remove my keys from my front pocket. So it was a tad painful for me, but it worked itself out as I laughed my ass off when she took the stage a few moments later and had a big red welt on her ass, courtesy of the locks at my apartment.

The second is this commercial I found from You Tube for this Strip Club in Van Nuys. I guess if I was a porn director this would be the kind of crap I'd direct....SMOKIN" HOT CHICKS.....bwhahahahahahahahha!

Bootlegging a Bootlegger...

So not to seem like I'm bragging but the "Pulp Fiction Jedi Edition" parody I created has had almost 80,000 views, which kicks ass.

It's even been "swiped" (with no credit sent to me) by a dude on YouTube named "bmfwallets". I checked out his "channel" and he sells replicas of Jules wallets with the BMF logo on it and has scenes from Pulp Fiction uploaded to YouTube. I commented on it and he was nice enough to leave it up.

But, the one that's got me a little steamed is this one:




I think that the parody is fantastic but my jaw dropped when I saw the Eric Stoltz bit, because it was my joke.


Now, I'm generally pretty liberal with copying but this was the first time someone copied off my paper, and truth be told, right now it sucks. But going forward if that becomes the signature gag for all Pulp Fiction parodies later on, then so be it, that's kinda cool.

So should I be bitching about getting swiped and copied off of copyrighted material, intellectual property from two of the most litidgeous companies (Disney / Lucasfilm) out there? I look at my bank account and I say thee nay young Skywalker....

However on a cool note "Pulp Fiction, Jedi Edition" did make # 3 on some other blogger's list (where I found the Muppet Parody :

http://www.10zenmonkeys.com/

Even cooler is that link came from the GORILLA MASK site which I have a link to on the side bar.

So onto more parodies that someone else can steal...

WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE SS !

Enjoy!

FROM THE GRINDHOUSE- "THANKSGIVING!"

Sure I'm bootlegging copyrighted material. But that's how I got into most of these movies to begin with.

Chinese Pulp Fiction....

The Lyric Theater in 42nd Street Lives On...

The sprit of my youth lives on with a twin kill billing of PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF. This is the film I've been waiting for.
Citizen Kane, The Godfather Series and even Early Speilberg can kiss my ass.

GRINDHOUSE creates the atmosphere and spirit of the crummy 42nd Street theaters that I saw most of the AIP, Roger Corman, and later Golan Globus cannon of films. From "ALLIGATOR" to "MOTEL HELL" to "THE EVIL THAT MEN DO"; for better or worse my father had the good sense to have a multiplex babysit me and my brother every now and then when we were younger.



Conversely, my mother generally took me to more standard fare like "Star Wars", Woody Allen films and strangely enough, "ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK" and Chuck Norris in an "EYE FOR AN EYE". So I learned early on what the difference between safe summer blockbuster audiences and ones that can kill you if you laugh at the wrong joke.

The latter always fascinated me, partly because the Black guys in the audience were always talking to the screen. Now if I could only get a few Black dudes to watch "Schindler's List", "The Piano" or "The English Fucking Patient" with me to cackle in the back of the theater just to mess with that audience of unholy pretension.

The Lyric theater is on 42nd street in NYC. I saw a ton of movies there, the last being "SURVIVING THE GAME" with ICE-T. Sure enough as soon as the film started a Black family of 5 or six sat a few rows ahead of me and my buddy Chris. The adult was a Grandmother and the kids seemed to range in age from 10 - 17. Everytime someone got blasted into bits, these kids would laugh like DeNiro in CAPE FEAR; add to this the CONSTRUCTION going on while the movie was playing INSIDE the theater... ....funny stuff.



Well Keegs and Shelley, went with me to this and from frame one I was floored. "PLANET TERROR" - Rodriguez's picture harkens back to the Italian Zombie gore splatter fests (thank you!) where not one ounce of Karo Syrup is wasted. Lucio Fulci (director of ZOMBIE) and Dario Argento are somewhere smiling, as is John Carpenter, who's scores are paid homage to here.
Did I mention the gore? Every character is expendible. When their time's up, it's spectacular. I haven't seen such splatacular head wounds since "MANIAC" and "SCANNERS".

Even goremaster / Special EFX maesteo TOM SAVINI (who's horror make up book BIZZARRO I bought as a kid) is in it for fun. Add to this scratches and audio pops in the film and you genuinely feel like the film's about to snap in the projection booth.
Rose McGowan remided me of Sybill Danning's badass nature with her machine gun leg and kill 'em all attitude. Look for MsDanning in one of the phony trailers by the way. I'm glad to see that they threw her a part in all this.

In "DEATH PROOF" it's nice to see Kurt Russell be a badass again. After shit like "Dreamer", "Poseidon" (which I loooved by the way) it's nice to see MacReady throwing the dynamite back at the audience and screaming "Fuck you too!"

As Keegan mentioned on her blog, Tarantino gets way involved with dialogue with the women in this one. It reminded me of Reservoir Dog's opening in the diner, except with chicks rambling on about girlie shit. I guess that was the set up, because it goes 250 MPH after that. I don't want to give anything away, but not since "RONIN" has there been a car chase that actually had me on the edge of my seat. Also thank you Quentin for mentioning "Vanishing Point!", although my favorite car chase flick is "THE DRIVER"

Kudos to Quentin's DP debut too.

A lot recently's been said that Tarantino's hasn't been making films up to his expections since "PULP FICTION" but not too many directors have complete autonomy to make their own movies with their own signature style. What other director in the last 15 years actually created an adjective to describe their films? I was lukewarm at first to JACKIE BROWN (even being a fan of Pam Grier and the Blacksploitation genre) but after watching it again recently, it really addresses great themes of aging, love, and honor. The same for "KILL BILL" which I think is one of the important films of this decade...also one of the bloodiest...

Did I mention that Citizen Kane can kiss my ass?



and now PHANTASM:





PS - look for "GREAT WHITE" cereal, as an homage to the Enzo G. Castillari fantastic Jaws rip off "GREAT WHITE" which I saw at an advaced screening back in 1982...I put the trailer up on YOUTUBE...

Just ACCEPT your BALLS to the WALL

Take power metal. Add some boys from Germany. Make the lead singer a psuedo-midget named UDO....and get your BALLS to the WALL!

Be sure to stay 'till the end....

PS- KORN and INCUBUS both suck.

APRIL FOOLS

How about a little Louis CK for yuks.....

DIE HARD The BALLAD of JOHN McCLANE

Too bad DIE HARD IV's gonna suck.

HAPPY ST.PATTY's DAY ya' Drunk Micks!

The classic Leprechaun stuck in the tree in Alabama St. Patty day's story.

David Lee Roth is the MAN

This Monday Van Halen gets elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Let me tell you I hope a these guys BEAT the SHIT out of one another. The band isn't even going to play together on stage, as Scott Weiland and Slash will be playing their stuff on stage. What a bunch of tools.

This is the band that keeps breaking up and making up. They just cancelled a 40 city tour with David Lee Roth, as the Van Halen brothers and now Wolfgang ( Eddie's son, who replaced Michael Anthony on bass) can't get along with Roth. I was skeptical in the beginning when I heard of an attempt of a tour, because it'd be too good to be true. Plus, I'm real particular when bands reunite because it still isn't the original lineup. Which explains why I won't shell out the $$ for The EAGLES as Don Felder was kicked out; and yes, Nickleback and Coldplay can kiss my ass. While I'm on it, Good Charlotte sucks Gary Cherone's hairy brown taint.

I grew up on the early Van Halen David Lee Roth stuff, and saw them live at MSG in 1983. It was the one of the greatest live ROCK shows I ever saw. Seeing Paul McCartney was amazing too but he didn't hump a giant inflatable microphone and spray some female hardbodies in the front row with JD. Iron Maiden's POWERSLAVE tour with the Egyptian Backdrop comes a close second.

David Lee Roth is the greatest frontman in the history of Rock. As for the Van Hagar stuff, I'll give them 5150, but the rest of those albums were just mediocre. Sammy Hagar as talented as he is can't hold Roth's jock, and as for Cherone, Joe Lampone's the only hardcore goofball to actually buy Van Halen III, and he wanted so badly to like that album.

Anyway here's a sampling of the good old days...

Scarface the Video Game

"All I have in this word is my word and my balls...and I don't break them for nobody..." - Tony Montana

This is a pretty cool preview, since the ones in the movies altogether suck, ironically the video game world seem to know how to make them. Nice use of Motley Crue as well.

I'm saving up my allowance to get this game to feed my cravings for 1980's video crime games until GTA Vice City II finally comes out on the PS2. Since I'll most probably never get this filthy rich, and become a sociopath, it's cool to live vicariously through these games. Plus I admit to randomly carjacking and killin' people in them as a stress release especially after a long commute. The best is stealing an 18 wheeler and going on a rampage on everything on the streets, especially the cops for some reason.

First, The Warriors. Then The Godfather. Now if they only could come out with a TAXI DRIVER, and or a Escape From NY video game.

Baba Booey's Love Tape

Happy Valentine's day folks, and as a man who wooed and failed with many of the ladies I know that even I'm not that stupid to videotape my lovey talk and send it to a chick to get her back. Think of this as a cautionary tale.





In the 19th century if you waited outside a woman's home and read love sonnets and poems you're called romantic. Now it's called Stalking.

PS - O.J. killed Anna Nicole Smith.

THE ACE OF SPADES

With Van Halen getting their due into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this March, hopefully the Jann Werner (Editor of Rolling Stone) and the Hall voters will hear my pleas for Lemmy and MOTORHEAD to get their due. Black Sabbath finally got in, and I'm certain that bands like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest who were at the forefront of true Heavy Metal (not the Pussy hair band shit of the late '80's early '90's yes, Poison you always sucked ass) might get a nod. After all Metallica is slated on the ballot next year, and if those guys get in then their influences should too.

Plus Lemmy's been quoted as saying he'd want be the guy who moves in next door to you and make your lawn die.

Baba Booey's Wild Ride

The Howard Stern show redux as muppets. My favorite: the silent Beetlejuice who hangs in the studio.

Fatherhood 2000

I always thought Bill Cosby's stand up on his kids was f'ing LAME. Louis CK's edgier take I dig mucho.






PS - Dane Cook sucks ass. Big Time.

Velvet Jones and Oscar ?

Congratulations to Eddie Murphy, my personal favorite comedian for landing a Golden Globe and an Oscar Nomination for Dreamgirls, (which I haven't seen yet).

It's been a long time coming in a career of high's (48 Hours) and lows (Pluto Nash) but for Mr.Robinson, aka Axel Foley, aka Gumby, DAMMIT! playing a James Brown/ Marvin Gaye hybrid is the performance of his lifetime.

To Eddie Murphy, the F-YOU man! Heeeeh, heeeh, heeeh!

Gino's Back to Party!

It's Friday folks and Gino's stylin' and profilin' to go hit the clubs! Check out his shoes! Will Martin Scorsese please stick this kid in a movie already!

I love this lil'dude.

Wetback English

These are the type of Infomercials I'd like to see. For my Border Buddy's friend in during his first military tour of duty, CRUZ.

Gene, Gene, The Dancin' Machine

I love this guy. I remember watching THE GONG SHOW as a kid and being floored by the wackiness that ensued during that 1/2 hour show hosted by none other than Chuck Barris.

I don't usually get starstruck but when I was a Page at NBC I hung out with Gene Gene the Dancing machine who was working the Tonight Show and he told me stories of the Gong Show. Man I was in heaven. What a cool guy. I even did my impersonation of him of when I was kid dancing like him. He laughed, and probably thought I was retarded. But what I loved most of all was that he was the anti-cool, and people loved it.

Unfortunately diabetes caused Gene to have both legs amputated from the knees down but that'll never stop the pure joy of watching a big dude dance his ass off without a care in the world.



P.S. F-Danny Terrio, and Dance Fever. Gino the Ginny's got your number.

Mom, What's for Breakfast?

Gino The Ginny's favorite Cereal...

JOE LAMPONE III

Since Joe E Rocco's not blogging lately, I'd fill in his absence with found future footage of his son, JOE ROCCO III. I love Joe like a Bro, but I love his kid even more.

How Not To Get Your Ass Kicked by the PD

GRIND 2007

Happy New Year folks! In a 4 months Tarantino and Rodriguez bring us GRINDHOUSE which happily looks like all the crap I used to watch with my father on 42nd Street... I'm glad these types of films that both the commercial and elite film buffs normally would snub their noses at, are finally getting their due.

Maybe Dyanna Thorne or Sybill Danning will finally now get their shot on INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO, and The films of Enzo G. Castillari (Great White, 1990's Bronx Warriors, and The Inglorious Bastards, the title of the WW2 Tarantino script) will get the Criterion treatment.

Kurt Russell welcome back to badassville!