Saturday Snake Fever !

It's finally here. I'll be there with the crew Saturday night @ 8:50pm at the World Famous Burbank AMC 16...

I'm gonna cry tears of joy....

Just Gimme a Cocaine Addicted Donkey Already!

I got Snakes later on this week. Today I get Midgets who work at Target. The Mets are in first place. This week could only get better if George Lucas would CGI a puppet Yoda riding a Coke addicted Donkey in the first 3 Star Wars movies....

http://www.midgetswhoworkattarget.com.html


DOUBLE PRIZES !!!!! DOUBLE PRIZES, YEAH !!!!




The TRON GUY- I forgot who orignally sent me this link but this dude loves Tron (calling Joe Lampone)

Check out this guy's site here:

http://www.tronguy.net.html

I also got some free posters of Star Wars Episodes II and III that I'll be wiping my ass with later today. What a way to start a week!

P.S. I Love my Wife Shelley, and my baby girl Emily!

Seven Days...and counting....

Captain America is Cool again

There's a Civil War brewing in the Marvel Universe currently, and taking a cue from Brad Bird's "Incredibles", the American Government is making Superheroes register to become civil servants of America. This is after a bunch of "C" type Heroes with their own reality show get in over their heads; fight it out with some powerful supervillians, and end up tragically blowing up an entire school killing most of the children in it. The backlash becomes intense, and this creates a rift between a lot of the super powered community and a fierce debate turns into a battle royal between allies.

Iron Man, Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four and others see this a natural progression and line up to reveal their secret identites and enlist with the Government, with the Pro Registration act. But the Hero that suprised me was CAPTAIN AMERICA who gives the Government the finger, kicks the crap out of 50 government agents, goes AWOL, all to defend the privacy and civil liberties of other superheroes who don't want to give up their identities...

So currently Cap's underground with a rag tag bunch of heroes who usually patrol the streets (Daredevil, Luke Cage) fighting a battle on two fronts- 1) Supervillans/Crime and the Government sanctioned heroes who now have to bring these renegade heroes in.

Not a bad way to revamp your character after 65 years....I'm also exicited because ULTIMATE AVENGERS 2 comes out tomorrow; and hopefully this will be better than the first one

GO CAP GO!!!!

Swayze, Mullets, and Kung Fu

I love this movie. I remember first seeing it in the theater in the late '80's and not knowing what to make of it.
I dug the action, was confused by the bad guy who lived across the river and started noticing a disturbing trend in action movies at that time, that lead had to show off their butts.

What makes ROADHOUSE so special? It's that guilty pleasure that most men have seen, and like a strange slow burn realize the greatness in it because of all it's flaws...A movie with mullets,kung-fu, monster trucks, and a Polar bear that falls on a fat guy? sign me up!

Recently a new DVD (the one in the picture above is the older release) was released with Commentary by the director Rowdy Harrington and a second commentary by filmmaker Kevin Smith who's a huge Roadhouse fan... I heard that he contacted MGM and begged them to do it even for free. The DVD even has a "What would Dalton do? " Feature and a Retrospective on the Cult fan base of this American B movie classic.

Furthermore an Off-Off Broadway play was done in honor of Swayze and CO



...his name is DALTON!

Stay Cool !

With the crazy heatwave I want to remind myself that winter can really suck as well.

Here's one for all you Philly folks- I forgot how peaceful and nice Center City was compared to NYC....

Well at least Football season's about a month and change away.

Steely Dan vs. Owen Wilson

Steely Dan (my favorite band) has taken action against Owen Wilson and the movie "Me and Dupree" which if you have the album "Two Against Nature" you'll recognize was lifted from the song "Cousin Dupree". The song, Cousin Dupree's is about a loser who moves back in with his Aunt , and the movie's about a loser who moves in with his married newlywed buddies, and shennanegans ensue on both fronts...

Ironically Steely Dan is named after a dildo in William Burrough's beat/sci fi novel "The Naked Lunch" and "Me and Dupree" I've heard just sucks dick.

Anyway I've got your back Don and Walt; and please show H'wood what a real Royal Scam really is.

Check out Steely Dan's Letter here:

http://www.steelydan.com/heyluke.html

GRINDHOUSE an RIP release

Keegs forwarded me the information that Snake Plissken himself is now taken over the role from Mickey Rourke in "DEATH PROOF" making this even more exciting for me. If you don't know Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez have teamed up to make next year's GRINDHOUSE, a celebration of all the B movie sholock horror-sexploitation action genre movies my dad used to take me and my brother to in 42nd Street and the multiplex in Jamaica Queens.

To say I'm pumped is an understatement- QT's movie "Death Proof" is about a Stunt man and a killer car of some sort (Fans of THE CAR and MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE rejoice!) and Rodriguez's film "PLANET TERROR" is a movie about a chick (Rose McGowan) with a machine gun for a leg. I F**KING LOVE IT !!!!

Here's the rub: In LA QT's will be shown first, and in Texas Rodriguez's movie will be shown first. In between they're creating phoney trailers (complete with scratches and film pops) of Swedish Sexploitation films, the Roger Corman Pom Pom girl teensploitation and some horror stuff. The rumor I heard is that the rest of the country the Projectionist in each theater can decide which film goes first.

God Bless these guys....

HULK WRITE! HULK BLOG !!!!

Unlike the CRUMMY Ang Lee movie- HULK THINKS! HULK BLOG! HULK ENTERTAIN!!! RRRRAARRGHRRR!!!!

HULK WANT TO SMASH ANG LEE !!!!!


http://incrediblehulk.blogspot.com/


Thanks to Kathy Keegan for the link a long time ago.

World Gone WILD!!!!

Just random off the cuff notes -


Kim Il Jong's got some balls shooting off missles on the 4th of July...Isn't that our thing? Our worldwide Credit's shot, we can't get out of the Semi Final round in the World Baseball Classic (finishing 3rd in games played with Mexico and Canada) we royally suck at soccer, the dollar's worth nill, and this wacko's shooting off rockets on OUR HOLIDAY? WTF?


I think Voltron would kick the shit out of The Transformers, and all you sickos who looked at Cheetara from Thundercats funny need help.


In one of my earlier posts I raved about ROB VAN DAM - recently he was given the World Heavyweight title to both the WWF and the redux version of ECW, but in a wacky chain of events he was busted en route to an arena for speeding and was found to have possession of a small amount of Marijuana. Needless to say he had to drop the WWF belt 1st on Monday Night RAW, then the ECW belt to an irate fan base in Philly at the ECW taping the next day...Needless to say he's ROB VAN DUMB


The Spider-Man 3 trailer looks spectacular, I just hope they have enough time for all the new villians they're adding in.

Roadhouse finally will get the Special Edition treatment... I just hope they explain why Dalton didn't bring Wade Garrett (I'm not going to explain you'll need to watch) who's half dead to the HOSPITAL where his girlfriend's a DOCTOR only to return to find him dead...

I have to admit that POINT BREAK is also having the same effect on me that Road House did


I love the NY POST :









I gotta find headline of the Puerto Rican kid who got eaten by the polar bears in the Bronx Zoo 20 years ago...I remember the inside caption "Bears play tug a Juan" Bwhahahahahahaha! Dumb ass kid...

I looked at Joey Rocco's site recently and he's starting to rant like a junior mafia version of GPD.

Only a month and change until SNAKES ON A PLANE !!!!

I loved the head butt that French Soccer Star ZIDANE did on the Italian Player with 10 minutes left in DOUBLE OVERTIME - thereby making it easier for the Italians (who were playing for a shoot out to win that trophy that's SMALLER than the Stanley Cup) If I were Zidane I would of pulled the guy's pants down and kicked him in the nuts, because that's showmanship. Especially with a billion people watching.

Speaking of Ass kicking the UFC (or as I call it the Ultimate FAG Championship) aired last Saturday and I heard that it sucked, and like a $3.00 whore in Tijuana. Admittedly I love pro wrestling but it's like dumbed down superheroes to me. The UFC's a bunch of hard hitting, HUMP happy sweaty dudes who like to roll around with one another playing rough house. Eeeyuck. When it first started it was mixed martial arts and was BANNED in 50 states except the one it was broadcasting from, which changed all the time. So you'd have Sumo against Boxing or Kung Fu vs. Wrestling, etc...Now it's just gay porn.

LONG LIVE BEAST BOY!!!

The Madcap Laughs and dies...RIP Syd Barrett

This is what happens when you fry your brain on acid 24/7 in the late 1960's: you create one of the greatest bands in history, PINK FLOYD. Syd Barrett died today at age 60 and was the original founders of the band. He was instrumental in their tripped out acid rock, with such classics as "See Emily Play" and one of my favorites "Interstellar Overdrive". I heard his solo album back in High School "The Madcap Laughs" but quite honestly was too young to appreciate it's experimental sonic quality. Ironically, I did get into Lou Reed and The Velvet Underground's stuff though.

While I'm on the Pink Floyd - I don't really listen to any of their stuff much now as I burned out on them between 1984 - 1987. That's 3 years of f-up adolescence listening to great music that's quite frankly, depressing. I can still listen to "Animals" and "Wish You Were Here" but knowing "Dark Side" verbatim doesn't make it enjoyable anymore. "The Wall" I can't even get to side 2 anymore, but they're still some of the best albums ever made. As for the "Final Cut" I listened to my CASSETTE of it 2 months ago after a 10 year layoff and still knew every depressing note. (Good album though) I will still champion "Meddle" with one of my faves "One of These Days".

So my point? It's a good thing Barrett left the band and Gilmour took over because they were a better band...Kudos to Alan Parsons producing on Dark Side of the Moon, although you should sue Coldplay's ass for stealing your stuff.

So rest in peace you fried up "crazy diamond" they'll never another like you again.

GAMECOCK - The Superhero

*****UPDATED : 6/08/06 ******

GAMECOCK LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR:




Long story short, has anyone ever heard of a superhero named the GAMECOCK? Apparently a good friend of mine thinks there is one. (They'll be referred to hereforth as Dembugs.

While me and my college buddies were waiting on line to go see Superman Returns, my friend Dembugs turns to me and says "Hey Devo, have you heard of a new superhero named The GAMECOCK?" Puzzled, I retort, "Uh no, I haven't and I never thought that I hear the words GAMECOCK ever uttered out of your mouth." Ironically enough I've got a toilet mouth, but I never put those two word together ever in my life.

Needless to say everyone started asking her what the hell a GAMECOCK Superhero was, much to our amusement- which also brought on quizzical stares from other moviegoers on the line, and making her amusingly, and embarassingly redder in the process.

Like pretending that Joe Rocco's Gay, in the '90's will be like asking Dembugs what the hell a GAMECOCK is in the Aught's...

What the hell do we call this decade anyway?

Our President

Red States. Blue States. I think they both are crappy extremes. I'm starting the PURPLE STATE.

AMERICA F-YEAH !!!!!


PHOTO CREDIT: Alex Ross

GODS of COMEDY

There is nothing funnier to me than 3 numbskulls verbally and physically abusing each other with dangerous items like hot irons, clubs, plates bear traps, guns, baseball bats and of course the deadliest of them all Moe Howard's index and middle fingers...

Although Curly's episodes were the best I have to admit that Shemp was pretty damn funny too. Curly Joe kinda sucked.

Soitanly!

KINGPIN RULES!

One of the most underrated comedies of all time....As much as I loved "There's Something About Mary" and the Opening Night viewing, KINGPIN I think is The Farrelly Brother's finest hour. For ONE- it's about a one-handed, washout bowling prodigy, who teams up with an Amish bowling phenom to win bowling tourney; TWO- it's a mean spirited comedy ("You tore my sack..") THREE- Bill Murray's performance as Sleazy Big Ernie (pictured above) is as good as comic gold. Plus it has the greatest assortment of wacky haircuts that I've ever seen.



I had seen this back in (1996?) with Jon Gebhart, and Jen & Michelle Loshiavo for a matinee; if only it was a double date, because they immediately hated it after the little boy in the beginning of the film falls flat on his face. Jon and I were in stiches....1/2 way through the movie were Woody Harrelson and Vanessa Angel were fist fighting in the alleyway (punching her boobies); this elderly couple a few rows in front of us got up and left, adding to more raucous laughter from Gebhart and me. The girls? Bored and confused...Bwhhahahahahahahaha! KINGPIN you kick comic ass!





MOVIE STILLS COPYRIGHT MGM STUDIOS

THE WHOLE F'N SHOW: ROB VAN DAM

Tonight history was made as Mr.Pay Per View, The Whole F'N Show, Mr. Money in the Bank the Cornerstone of EXTREME CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING ROB VAN DAM won the WWF Heavyweight Championship from John Cena at the ECW / WWF pay per view event ONE NIGHT STAND.

First off the North Philadelphia Based ECW Wrestling has risen from the ashes yet once again, this time going global. If you've never seen what ECW is, it's the most passionate, violent and bloody wrestling Promotion (that could only of been born of Philly roots) that has now gone global. It changed wrestling forever since it's inception in the early '90's.




Hulk Hogan vs Andre? Kids stuff. Try "New Jack" verses Balls Mahoney in a hardcore weapons match were someone gets staples in their forehead. Foam fingers for the kids with Macho Man Randy Savage. F-you! ECW had Fans "BRING YOUR OWN WEAPONS" matches were someone actually brought a sink in and it was used on someone's forehead that evening.

Anyway RVD won over John Cena and I'm ecstatic because 1) I've met him twice, and he's pretty cool (thanks Davey Ryan)




2) He created the coolest move I've ever seen, THE VAN DAMINATOR- where Rob throws a folding chair at his opponent's head, and as they catch it, he SPIN KICKS it into their face. He also has the VAN TERMINATOR: where the opponent is slumped on his back in the corner. VAN DAM goes to opposite corner on the same side facing his opponent. He climbs to the top turnbuckle with a TRASH CAN and JUMPS off towards the opponent and Kicks the Can into their face. Devastating,to say the least; and as ECW comentator JOEY STYLES would say....OH MY GOD !!!!!!


ROB VAN DAM you rule! RVD! RVD! RVD!

6 Dumb Questions with Emily Dvi-Vardhana

My daughter Emily Renee Dvi-Vardhana was born into this nutty world on May 18th 2006 via C-Section at 4:20pm PST.
Unlike your children, my kid can talk, and wax intellectual about a variety of topics. I am a little disappointed that she didn't have three arms like baby Zie-Zie and furthermore, red hair like her mom, but she did score 2200 on her baby S.A.T.S and speaks jive.


Q:You wanted your momma Shelley to get sliced,diced and gutted like a Bass instead of being born through the happiest place on Earth...Why?


ED:Well, the Doctors later realized that I had a stupid cord wrapped around my neck (I was trying out bungee jumping) so the C-section was inevitable. Plus I had just had a taco which didn't agree with me; and it lead to me taking a giant crap inside my old apartment. So it was kind of like swimming at the New Jersey shore.


Q: You read a lot of novels while your were in the joint for 9 months. What was your favorite book and author?

ED: I really recommend GOODNIGHT, GORILLA by Peggy Rathman; WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS by Shel Silverstein; but my favorite book by far was The BEST OF PEANUTS by Charles Shultz. That Lucy's a bitch! I didn't like the DaVinci code.


Q: What's you're favorite toy?

ED: That's a no brainer- it's my mommy doll.


Q:Do you have a problem with wearing socks?

ED: No comment.


Q: What's you're favorite song / music ?

ED:I like the Baby Einstien anthology collection, the score to the film THE INCREDIBLES, but my dad puts me to sleep with ZZ TOP (no joke)


Q:If you were a Muppet which one would you be?

ED: R2-D2...oh wait that's not a muppet....uh...oh yeah, SUPERGROVER!




Photo Credits: Ansel Adams, and Pompeo Possar

BABY BOOM !

Cute little Zie-Zie from Shanghai has 3 arms! I hope they teach him boxing, because he'd be able to block with 2 arms and punch with one!

Thanks to Hunter Woo's website for pointing this out...

Comic Books that Kick Ass....

What a nutty week...My Daughter Emily Renee is born on Thursday 05/18 @ 4:20pm (Yo' Pot Smokers!), The Mets kick the crap outta the Yankees, and I'm addicted to THE WALKING DEAD.

Horror Comics have come a long way from the EC Comics of the 1950's and the Marvel TOMB OF DRACULA and WEREWOLF series in the 1970's. DC had THE HOUSE OF MYSTERY but I always thought that they sucked. Tomb of Dracula could always tap into Dracula vs. The SIlver Surfer if things got lame (which was seldom in that series) and it also introduced us to BLADE, although back the 70's he was a lot funkier than he is in his current streamlined model.

Jon Gebhart mentioned a Comic Book called THE WALKING DEAD which is out in a trade paper back; it's currently at the 4th volume and it's probably the scariest comic I've ever read.



The premise is simple; a Cop in the South named Rick gets shot, ends up in a coma and when he awakens the world's full of Zombies. He teams up with a band of survivors as they try to survive day to day in a world gone wild. It's part 28 Days Later, George Romero's Night/Dawn/Day/Land of the Dead series and a dash of LOST thrown in for good measure. Furthermore if you know the Zombie genre then you know that every character is expendible at any time. Good stuff. I read it to Emily @ 5:30 am last Friday during a feeding. Needless to say I got freaked out.

The second book that I'm a junkie for is Y THE LAST MAN which is published by VERTIGO comics (the grown up/pretentious version of DC Comics who also owns it) Vertigo gave us CONSTATINE.

The story revolves around a "Gendercide" - a virus of some sort that killed off every male species on Earth, except a dude named Yorick and his monkey buddy named Ampersand.



Last dude on Earth? I guess you'd think that fuckorama would be in order 24/7. Unfortunately the writers aren't from Penthouse Forum. This book plays off like The Fugitive where foreign governments are after our hero as well as Psycho Amazon bitches from hell who want to eradicate men from the planet for good. Another Post Apocalyptic tale this one kind of in the tradition of Stephen King's THE STAND. As was the case with The Walking Dead, Yorick has to team up with a small band of people for his survival. One of whom is a badass government agent named Agent 355, who beats the shit outta people with a retractable metal rod....Cooool.

I started Vol 1 in January and just finished Vol.7 on Saturday. Now I have to wait another 4 months or so for the next trade. Ugh.

At least Superman will be out to keep me occupied, and I hope it's good.









ON another note-

Congratulations to Chris and Bethany as they are to be married this weekend.

More Congratulations to Jason Warnesky on his new job at THE SIMPSONS! Way to go buddy...it's about fuckin' time bro!

Final congratulations to the LA Clippers who lost in the second round to The Phoenix Suns but had pushed to a game 7, and had their best season ever...Finally a Basketball team I can root for here....



2 months and 2 weeks until SNAKES ON A PLANE !!!

I LOVE THE BOSTON RED SOX

Unfortunately The Mets lost to the red hot Phillies today 5-4 (Philly's won 9 in a row and are 3 games back of NYM) however the biggest news is that The BOSTON RED SOX made the NY YANKEES their bitches by handing their Yankee Candy asses to them by ass raping them with a score of 14-2 IN Yankee Stadium. The Yankee's ace Randy Johnson got pulled in the 2nd inning after they realized they over paid for a over the hill one time baddass pitching ace. HA HA HA!



F-You Yankees!




BIG PAPI DAVID ORTIZ RULES!!

Where in the World is....Emily Devo?

Yes, I going to be a Father to a darling little girl named Emily ______ Dvi-Vardhana, but I don't think we're going to hit the target date for our Tent Pole release for this summer. I desperately wanted to steal Tom Cruise's thunder from this weekends Mission Impossible Trois, which opened on my birthday Cinquo de mayo. (thanks Lori for the E card by the way, very funny) I did buy her some kiddie books - One of my favorites - FERDINAND the BULL, about a peaceful bull who sits on a flower with a bee on it, and then High larity ensues- and GOODNIGHT GORILLA, about a baby gorilla who escapes his cage in the zoo and lets out all the other animals...

However, just turning 35 and having a baby girl a on the way is nice way to celebrate your birthday, and I had a few friends over to have cake (baked by my wife) and watch Eddie Murphy's "Delirious"; which even with some dated humor (Gay AIDS jokes, but this was 1983 and Murphy was only 22) the comedian is still extremely funny.

The Mets also managed to beat The Braves on Friday and Saturday, (21wins, 9 losses) giving them a 5 game cushion over the 2nd place Phillies and a 10 game lead over the Braves. Hopefully we'll make it to October. Also to top things off - The Lakers choked to The Suns in game 7 of their series, ending their season. Ha ha. F-You Kobe ! (final score 121-90) Go Clippers !

When will Emily show? That's anyone's guess as I was two weeks late myself. The world's a mess as is and if she wants extra time in warm cozy environment that's fine with me. Shelley might have another opinion about that though.

My Friends are Weird.....

LORDI - The New GWAR !!!

Reprinted from THE NEW YORK TIMES 04/25/06

HELSINKI, Finland — They have eight-foot retractable latex Satan wings, sing hits like "Chainsaw Buffet" and blow up slabs of smoking meat on stage. So members of the band Lordi expected a reaction when they beat a crooner of love ballads to represent Finland at the Eurovision song contest in Athens, the competition that was the springboard for Abba and Celine Dion.

But the heavy-metal monster band did not imagine a national identity crisis.

First, Finnish religious leaders warned that the Freddy Krueger look-alikes could inspire Satanic worship. Then critics called for President Tarja Halonen to use her constitutional powers to veto the band and nominate a traditional Finnish folk singer instead. Rumors even circulated that Lordi members were agents sent by President Vladimir V. Putin to destabilize Finland before a Russian coup — an explanation for their refusal to take off their freakish masks in public.

The fury also spread in Greece, winner of last year's Eurovision and therefore the host of this year's contest, where an anti-Lordi movement called Hellenes urged the Finnish government "to say 'no' to this evil group." One young Finn calling himself Suomi (Finland in Finnish) wrote to a newspaper Web log saying, "If Lordi wins Eurovision, I am leaving the country."

The lead singer, Lordi — a former film student who goes by his real name, Tomi Putaansuu, when not wielding a blood-spurting electric chain saw — is philosophical about the uproar.

The affair, Mr. Putaansuu says, has exposed the insecurity of a young country whose peculiar language is spoken by only six million people worldwide and whose sense of identity has been dented by being part of the Swedish kingdom and the Russian empire until gaining independence in 1917. Most Finns, he adds, would rather be known for Santa Claus than heavily made-up monster mutants.

"In Finland, we have no Eiffel Tower, few real famous artists, it is freezing cold and we suffer from low self-esteem," said Mr. Putaansuu, who, as Lordi, has horns protruding from his forehead and sports long black fingernails.

As he stuck out his tongue menacingly, his red demon eyes glaring, Lordi was surrounded by Kita, an alien-man-beast predator who plays flame-spitting drums inside a cage; Awa, a blood-splattered ghost who howls backup vocals; Ox, a zombie bull who plays bass; and Amen, a mummy in a rubber loincloth who plays guitar.

Dragging on a cigarette, Mr. Putaansuu added, "Finns nearly choked on their cereal when they realized we were the face Finland would be showing to the world."

Often derided as a showcase of kitsch, Eurovision is one of the most watched television programs in the world. It pits pop groups from all over Europe and the Middle East against one another, with the winner decided by popular vote by more than 600 million viewers.

It is not the first time the contest, which began in 1956, has spawned discontent. Last year's Ukrainian entry song was rewritten after being deemed too political by government officials in Kiev because it celebrated the Orange Revolution. When Dana International, an Israeli transsexual, won in 1998 with her hit song "Diva," rabbis accused her of flouting the values of the Jewish state.

But not everyone in this Nordic country of five million views the monster squad as un-Finnish. Some Finns say that Lordi is right at home and that the band's use of flaming dragon-encrusted swords and exploding baby dolls expresses the warrior spirit of the Vikings.

Alex Nieminen, a Finnish ad executive, says the band harks back to the Hakkapeliittas, the legendary Finnish cavalry unit that fought as part of the Swedish army in the 17th century. He argues that the slasher film imitators embody Finnish self-assertion after decades of isolation.

"Lordi represents a rebellion by Finns who are saying, 'Hey we are not all the Nokia-wielding people the government would like you to think we are,' " Mr. Nieminen said.

On the eve of the vote, fans in ghoulish monster outfits held Lordi parties from Helsinki to Lapland and sent text messages urging everyone from grandmothers to young metal heads to "Change the face of Finland!" Lordi won the right to go to Athens with its Kiss-inspired anthem "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and its lyrics, "Wings on my back/I got horns on my head/my fangs are sharp/and my eyes are red."

The Finns' fascination for Lordi may reflect their eternal hope after coming in last at Eurovision eight times. Some Finns rank that humiliation with their nation's appeasement of the Soviet Union or losing in hockey to Sweden.

Finns blame their losing streak on the fact that contestants have typically sung in their mother tongue, a famously difficult Uralic language where words with three umlauts are not uncommon.

" 'Finland, zero points' has become a source of deep embarrassment in the nation's psyche," Ilkka Mattila, the country's leading music critic, said. "So Lordi's success must be understood as a vote by people who feel we have nothing to lose."

Finns are so uncomfortable with themselves, says Alexander Stubb, a Finnish member of the European Parliament, that when they meet someone for the first time, they stare at their own feet. Then, after 10 years of friendship, they stare at the other person's feet. But there is little risk that anyone, Finnish or otherwise, will stare at Lordi's furry platform demon boots, he adds, noting that Lordi could embarrass Finland when it takes over the European Union presidency in July.

Timo Soini, leader of "Ordinary Finns," a traditionalist political party from rural Finland, says Lordi has attracted criticism because Finns are so thin-skinned about how others perceive them. "Finns are suspicious when they see someone new come to play in their sandbox," Mr. Soini said. "And that is particularly the case when that someone looks like a monster."

While other boys in Lapland were playing hockey, Mr. Putaansuu played with his Barbie doll and began experimenting with makeup. In film school he became obsessed with horror films and the heavy metal bands Kiss and Twisted Sister. Like his fellow metal heads, Mr. Putaansuu hoped that transgression would sell big. But he says it took 10 years to get a record deal because Finnish labels were so turned off by the band's appearance.

Under their masks, the band members are quintessential Finns. Awa, the ghost, is a soft-spoken blond who wears glasses and studied classical music. Even Mr. Putaansuu, who wears a black leather jacket when not sporting serpent lapels, says his music is closer to gospel than Satan. After all, one of the band's hit songs is "The Devil Is a Loser."

"Even if we lose the contest, we have already won," Mr. Putaansuu said. "Many Finns would rather have sent someone boring and acceptable than to be represented by freaks like us."

ASK A NINJA !!!

Not since that moron Dave Downs told everyone that his mother was a Ninja has Ninja wisdom been this funny.


NINJA WISDOM can be found here: http://www.askaninja.com/


P.S. - Downs you're still a fucking moron.

The Mets are in first, so the Yankees can suck me.

The Mets are in first place finally after languishing in the basement / mediocrity for the last 5 years since the last Subway Series against The fuckin' Yankees. So I'm relishing this week as the Yanks got off to a slow start getting beat by both The Oakland A's and Anaheim Angels on their West Coast Swing. Sure the beat the lowly Kansas City Royals and swept the 3 game series but The Royals are a glorified AAA team anyway.

The Mets revamped line up unfortunately is missing mighty Mike Piazza, (now with the San Diego Padres) but hey addition by subtraction seems to work. The Mets currently have the best record in the majors right now, (7-1) and this year marks the (gulp) 20th anniversary of their 1986 championship with characters like Mookie, Darryl, Nails, Mex, The Kid, Sid, and Bobby O to name a few. Hopefully they'll get to October this year.

The Babe, Lou Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle,Yogi, Maris, Derek Jeter, and all that Yankee history and mystique (26 Championships, 1918 Babe Ruth curse); that can all suck my balls.

Lets go Mets!

KILLER KIDDIE HOSTS!

I didn't actually write this new entry on my blog; as it was forwarded to me by a friend, and I really have no reason to doubt it. Even if the presented facts aren't true, it's still a pretty cool story.


Captain Kangaroo passed away on January 23, 2004 as age 76, which is odd, because he always looked to be 76. (DOB: 06/27/27.) His death reminded me of the following story.

Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin, is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:






I always liked Lee Marvin, but didn't know the extent of his Corps experiences.





In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces often in rear echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions,
Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... the Medal Of Honor.

If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.



The following is a dialogue from "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson": His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima...and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded."

"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the bottom and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi. Bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys getting' shot hauling you down. But,Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got the cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. That dumb guy actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by, with mortar rounds landing everywhere and he stood there as the main target of gunfire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life.

That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, where'd they get you Lee?' Well Bob... if you make it home be fore me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!"

Johnny, I'm not lying, Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew.

The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan. You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."



On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeved sweater on TV, to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. He was a master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat.

After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human and also dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help lead children on the right path in life. He hid away the tattoos and his past life and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.



America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did; they quietly go about their day-to-day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy.

Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst.

Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened.

Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom. With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr.Rogers.


...and knowing is half the battle...Yo' Joe !